3AM.Custodial.Woes

...Seriously. Dear Mrs./Mr. Egg Eater. If you are going to eat a hard-boiled egg at work/school, don't be a right bastard about it. Eat it over a trashcan, not over your floor. A floor is not a proper place of disposal for your eggshells. Contrary to popular belief, a REAL PERSON has to clean up that mess. And tonight it was me.   Dear Mr. Sunflower Shell Spitter. You're as rotten as Mr./Mrs. Egg Eater. Spitting your shells on the ground is crushing my soul... For several days now... I see this is a reoccurring theme with you. If I discover you, I will promptly take away your sunflower seeds and DESTROY THEM. 

Sincerely, Your Neighborhood Custodian.